The past few weeks have been very hard for me. My mood has been low, without much hope of it picking up any time soon. There is one major reason for this sudden plunge into darkness; that little four lettered word beginning with ‘L’, shortly followed by betrayal and heartbreak.
I never intended to use this space to express my feelings – this isn't Live Journal. Instead this blog was created to express my creativity and promote my business. However, creativity is often used as an outlet for emotion, and I have to say that all of my creative work derives from good feelings rather than bad feelings. Regardless, I apologise in advance for any teenage angst this post might portray.
I have been spending a lot of my spare time watching Romance films. A lot of the time I have been looking for hope, but I have become so used to hoping for a better ending that I have used it all up. Instead what I have found is probably a lot more valuable. I've learnt to move on; or at least try to. I have a lot of things to be glad for in my life. I began listing these in my head today in an attempt to make myself feel more positive about life.
1. My family love me unconditionally. They know me better than anyone, and I don’t give them enough credit for that. They clearly miss me a lot, and I need to remember to never take them for granted... Not that I ever do. In addition to my human family, I also have the cutest, sweetest dog ever. He always knows when I'm sad and likes to lick away my tears. Or maybe he just likes the taste of salt.
2. I have an amazing job. No two days are the same and I work with some of the loveliest people. It can be full on at times but I have yet to dread a Monday, and I actually kind of miss it on weekends.
3. I live in my dream flat. It might need redecorating and the power shower isn't exactly powerful, but it’s everything I always wanted, and it’s all to myself.
4. I have a cute little car. And a tank full of petrol to take me anywhere I want to go. I may not have anywhere to go right this minute, but with it the world – or at least the United Kingdom and extensively Europe – is my oyster.
5. I have the best friends in the world. They might not always answer the phone on the first call, and some may take a few days to text back, but they always deliver. They listen to my complaints, and put up with my general mardiness and brutal sense of humour. And they always give me good advice. I.e. “Stay away from the sociopath; we don’t want you turning up in the morgue.” They've got my back.
I might not be over this for a very long time yet, and I will definitely still have my dark days, as always, but I'm on my way to recovery. Last night was my first full night of sleep in a long time, and that has to count for something.
